Balancing Act

Apr. 2020 | Written by Mariam Jaliawala

Dear World,

If only you knew me and understood the struggles of being an Asian Pakistani woman. The pressure of looking and fitting in just right to represent what a Pakistani woman "should" look like. I cherish every aspect of the culture, but sometimes it can be overwhelming to look and fit into what society expects you to be like. If you choose not to comply, you hear gossip and stories swirling around you—the whispers that follow you as you walk into events you were forced to attend. Wearing a little fitted or short dress makes you a slut, but wearing long dresses that cover your ankles makes you an angel.

No one can see the true colors of each person. If only you knew me, you’d understand who I really am. Dressing a certain way to satisfy society does not make anyone a better or more perfect person. If you closed the doors and truly looked at the colors within each person, you’d be astonished by what you see—in front and behind those doors.

I do not judge anyone, nor do I judge any way of life, but this world—our world—should be a place where people can live freely and be themselves. Yet, when you hear whispers that call you a shame to this world, it hurts. It confuses you. What am I doing wrong? If only you knew me, you’d understand the stabbing pain, the wrenching heartache, the wounds inflicted by constant criticisms and demands to look and behave a certain way for the sake of others.

Trying to be a perfect representation of a Pakistani girl and balancing the demands of American culture is quite difficult. It feels like being lost at sea, desperately searching for a safe island. Navigating college life, adapting to the norms here, while holding on to cultural traditions—it’s a constant balancing act. It takes time to understand; to learn “right” from “wrong."

If only you knew me. If only the world could take the time to understand my goals, my aspirations, and my capabilities.