If Only You Knew Me

Apr. 2020 | Written by Sade Potter

Dear World,

I take care of you. I nurture you; I comfort you; I kiss you; I hug you; I love you unconditionally, and I protect you. My sole purpose is to take care of those who are in need of caretaking and anything else they’re lacking. I never complain or show any signs of aggravation or exhaustion. I do what needs to be done no matter the cost.

Many sacrifices are made that no one knows about. It feels as though I’m not meant to mean much to this world, it feels like my destiny is to take care and love people with everything in me and then excuse myself and wait outside. Imagine that. Constantly taking care of everyone but not having anyone to take care of you. I give the world all I’ve got and at the end of the day, I’m left with nothing. No energy, no motivation, no drive, no passion, and no interest. 

However, I still manage to show up and be present no matter how empty I’m feeling inside. I fake it until I can’t anymore and then I just break down. I understand that these are the days that must happen to me, so I just let it run its course until I’m feeling “okay” again. I have to take some time to myself when this happens just so that I can recharge for others. All I do is love, all I do is serve, all I do is comfort, and all I do is fill the void. Yet, I’m lacking in every area. The reality of my situation is that I like a robot in my own body. It feels like I don’t even belong to myself, I belong to whoever needs me. I’m like the local grocery store, everyone comes for what they need, and once they’ve got it, they’re gone; until they need something we.

If you know me, you know all of this is true, this is my life. Who am I, might you ask? I’m a black woman.